i dun like you. and you and you. hmmph.

-thrown ard like a ragged doll.. thrown aside when not needed..

♥ you and i both loved

er.. dawnnie, care to explain ur tags? or rephrase..is seriously dun understand. lolx. or is this some secret between you and her? lolx. zzz.. and u trying say i greedy right. where got. hahax. or am i as cute as the squirrel? hahax.

yups jeanny. was boring. hahax. huh. i didn't say anyhing about you , mugging what. lolx.

dammit. my keyboard running out of battery. lolx.

♥ you and i both loved

today was teachers' day celebration. ACircus, it's gonna be wild. no way was it wild. lolx. nowhere near it. lolx. yes, there were nice performances, but i wasnt blown away. lousy intermissions. lolx. while they're setting up the stage, the emcees were reading out "love letters" to teachers and presenting awards. lolx. zzz. could have done it with more style though. ain't as wild as expected. ok, im complaining alot. hahax. without coming up with any suggestions. lolx. typical critique. only criticising. lolx. zzz..

the most interesting part was before everything started. apparantly a few of them bought hamsters for angel. lolx. so in the morning, there was a mad rush to assemble everything before angel came. lolx. kinda like the first time we "celebrated" birthday. hahax. plenty of attention on the hamster. god knows what the hamsters were doing. squealing so much that we had to seperate them. lolx.

the thing ended like about 10 so we went for breakfast. couldnt decide on where to go. at first was vivo. then town. then kap mac. on the bus, decided on pizza hut at bukit timah plaza instead. lolx. talked at pizza hut. girls were engaged in their own conversation, while guys were talking among themselves. zzz.. what a class outing. lolx. took pictures and had a cake for angel. lolx. feel abit bad for xuewen. her birthday was just a few days back. and she even bought cake to share. lolx. but angel's birthday seems more "important". zzz.. feel abit bad. like forgetting about her liddat. lolx. despite warnings of a heavy rain from me, we took some time to move and when we just paid up, it rained. heavily. damn.

girls decided to go orchard, leaving the guys to decide what they wanted to do. wow. what a class outing. guys outing and girs outing. lolx. alvin and bing went to queensway to get shoes. me stanley and daniel left. caofeng went home. lolx. in the end, the three of us decided to follow. cabbed to orchard. $10.30.. owe daniel 3+.. lolx. went to far east. girls were in their own world. lolx. so me, stanley and daniel walked about. hahax. stanley and daniel were like looking at shades and bling =.="'

girls decided to go to hereen and said we meet them there. stanley and daniel continued looking at stuff. when we stepped out of far east, girls were at hereen. walked there. ended up in paragon cause daniel said "let's go see vertu" i wonder how many phones they actually sell a month. lolx. daniel was like omg. prada, burberry, Gucci, Mont blanc. hahax. rich kid. lolx. by the time we actually almost reached hereen, the girls said wanted go island creamery. so off we went. back to where we started in bukit timah. lolx. had ice cream and they took more pictures. after that we were like all so sianz, so decided to go home instead. lolx. so now im at home typing this. hahax.

zzz.. so that concludes the day. hahax. no more emo. posts sia. hahax. no more self reflection these few days. more narrative ones. hope it doesnt put anybody to sleep. zzz.. lolx.
tomorrow going back rv. play abit of ultimate. maybe go out with 4d. lolx. look forward. lolx. anybody interested in ultimate team sms or tag me. lolx.

-jealous of the hamster angel got. want one but cannot. zzz.. sianz. lolx. no choice. hahax.
===================================================================

dawnnie: hahax. not bad, u managed to find my blog too. hahax. link trough how many people? hahax. and i don't remember a dawnnie in tmnt. lolx.

annabel: ya ya. ok. dump me just like that. hahax. zzz. sounds wrong. hahax. whatevers.. lolx. continue to love him. hahax.

♥ you and i both loved

ultimate seems to be the new fad. everyone seems to be joining. lolx. everyone seems to be playing. but i wonder how many will really last. lolx. it's tempting to join ultimate. but i shall resist that temptation. i need to study. study real hard. lolx.

hahax. thinking of forming ultimate team.. if got people interested. hahax. but venue would be a problem. lolx. sianz. tag me if interested. lolx. or sms.

♥ you and i both loved

finally another post. hahax. slack week man this week. monday lecture only day. tuesday pink slip. today bmtc, so only had pe and pw. tomorrow teachers' day celebration. friday no school! whee. zzz... feel kinda bored. hahax. cause got so many breaks but no options. nowhere to go, nothing to do. except for study. lolx.

went to bmtc tekong today. an interesting experience. day started and everybody looked damn different with different bags. hahax. iseem to be the only one changing bag every other day in class. hahax. followed by pw, where we "discussing" about op. followed by pe. finally we could decide on something. hahax. wow. played soccer. but had missing participants. lolx. quite funny. hahax. i "scored" one. lolx. don't know if that was counted. lolx. played overtime. we then had the luxury of a long break before 1110 where the tekong people were released from class. lolx. at last the tme came and we went on the bus to tekong. zzz.

as we walked into the ferry terminal, thoughts flooded my head. soon. very soon. i'll be walking down this path, with everyone around me strangers. what awaits me? dozen of stories about how army life isnt as tough as it was drawn out to be has done little to calm my nerves. i have this fear. fear of venturing into the unknown. fus it is yes, but at the same time scary. being thrown into a new environment. out of your comfort zone. yes i've been thrown out of my comfort zone quite a few times. but nothing would compare to what ns brings. lolx. kinda scared. hahax. don't laugh. i can hear the snigger's.

ferry ride to tekong was quite fast. about 5 minutes? 2 years down the road and it'll be the longest 5 minutes in my life. lolx. picked up our goody bag at the ferry terminal and proceeded to the lecture theatre? there we were made to wait for other colleges. (pj had short skirts. heehee. dammit. i sound perverted. hahax.) and there was this presentation. about army life etc.. wasn't exactly useful. not much about experiences. just how the centre operates. the sharing didn't shed much light on tekong however. soon, i would be standing here in the same place, taking the pledge. the pledge to serve the country. hahax. after all that, the tour started.

first stop, imt range. everyone was so excited. zzz. brought back fond memories. my 4 years in ncc. hahax. was reluctant to go in the first place. let others try. but once i went up, i stayed up, loading and reloading like nobody's business. lolx. was quite fun. quite alot of memories. lolx. guess my skills learnt in ncc would serve me well in ns. lolx.

next stop, the bunks. visited the bunks quite nice. hahax. followed by them showing us a full pack, giving us a break down of the items in it. lolx. interesting. we then learnt about face paint. like quite a number of them were quite enthusiastic, trying it out. lolx. next, proceeded to food! hahax. had a look at the ration packs issued. had a taste too. hahax. wasnt great, but wasnt bad either. lolx. and last stop was introduction to soc. hahax. everyone was falling asleep. lolx.

that was all for tekong. interesting experience. gained an insight into army life, but there are so many mysteries. guess i'll find them out myself. what army life is really like. lolx. hope i survive. hahax. im kinda scared. for one my fitness sucks. well, i can do everything except run. i suck at running. the further i run, the slower i get. i've got thalassaemia minor (huh? what's that? go read. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalassemia) and anemia. blood disorder. not bad enough to rob me of sports. but puts me at a disadvantage. lolx. what a bother. another reason. im afraid of the new environment. afraid of the things lying in the dark, in the unknown. the new strangers i'll meet, the new things i'll do. i don't know. im kinda anxious, afraid. afraid of the unknown. i may seem nonchalant on the outside, but then again, doesnt everyone mask themselves with a mask? im scared. damn scared. but i will survive. lolx. at the presentation, they said this. "girls, don't think you're not involved and don't go why am i sitting here? you girls have an important part to play. to support the men while they are here. all our men have a women supporting them. be it mother, grandma, girlfriend, wife..." hope i will have a hand to squeeze if i need. lolx.

-afraid of the unknown
===================================================================

yipin: how to smile when not happy sia. hahax. so fake.. lolx..

annabel: thought fuhua is chinese school. lolx. oh.. you mean that night.. hahax, ok.. lolx..

cat: if something can be decided then go lorhz.. lolx..

♥ you and i both loved

i trusted you and gave you the password. i don't know why though. am i really such a nice guy? should i continue to be such a nice guy? it seems as though it's not getting me anywhere. being nice usually means that you're forgettable. only when in times of need then you get called upon. kinda tired. tired of being thrown around like a rag doll. should i stop being nice and fight for what i want? what i think should happen and what i think is right? this would make me more enemies. already there are people who don't really like me. right now it doesn't matter cause, i am who i am and those people don't mean anything to me. they are not important to me. but what if. what if i changed. "But would it set me free, If I dared to let you see, The truth behind the person, That you imagine me to be. Would your arms be open, Or would you walk away" -stained glass masquerade. would those around me. people i care for. would they hate me if i changed. turned into a person they don't recognize.

i don't have much talents. i don't do well in sport, have no musical talent, neither am i good at my studies. i am not particularly rich, neither am i good looking. im just.. the kid next door. opportunities come far and between. should i grab those rare opportunities, or should i just be a nice guy and watch them slip right through my fingers? haish. it is my life after all. should i live it the way i want? the question is can i afford to..

人生的烦恼实在太多，想要说的话说也说不完。只想抛开一切什么都不去管。人与人之间的感情实在太复杂了。我式着去理解但始终无法掌握。生活就是这样的吧。无法理解，无法掌握。也许或者有可能。我们只不过是真的在演一场大戏罢了。就像沙斯比亚所说的。"all the world's a stage and all the men and women are merely actors"
i find myself dislocating from this play. slowly but surely drifting. it's so difficult. acting. i don't want to be part of this play anymore. i don't want. somebody save me..
===================================================================

离开地球表面

---------------
丢掉手表 丢外套 丢掉背包 再丢唠叨

丢掉电视 丢电脑 丢掉大脑 再丢烦恼

冲啥大 冲啥小 冲啥都有人唱反调

恨得多 爱得少 只想越跳越疯 越跳越高 把地球甩掉

一颗心噗通噗通的狂跳

一瞬间烦恼烦恼烦恼全忘掉

我再也不要 再也不要 委屈自己一秒

一颗心噗通噗通的狂跳

一瞬间烦恼烦恼烦恼全忘掉

我甩掉地球 地球甩掉 只要越跳越高

丢掉手表 丢外套 丢掉背包 再丢唠叨

丢掉电视 丢电脑 丢掉大脑 再丢烦恼

野心大 胆子小 跳舞还要靠别人教

恨得多 爱得少 只想越跳越疯 越跳越高 把地球甩掉

一颗心噗通噗通的狂跳

一瞬间烦恼烦恼烦恼全忘掉

我再也不要 再也不要 委屈自己一秒

一颗心噗通噗通的狂跳

一瞬间烦恼烦恼烦恼全忘掉

我甩掉地球 地球甩掉 只要越跳越高

我甩掉地球 地球甩掉 只要越跳越高


come on!


一颗心噗通噗通的狂跳

一瞬间烦恼烦恼烦恼全忘掉

我再也不要 再也不要 委屈自己一秒

一颗心噗通噗通的狂跳

一瞬间烦恼烦恼烦恼全忘掉

我甩掉地球 地球甩掉 只要越跳 越高

我甩掉地球 地球甩掉 只要越跳 越高



come on !jump!jump!jump!jump!jump!jump! jump!
===================================================================

im drifting.. drifting..

♥ you and i both loved

hmms.. how to start..

*im sleepy tired and depressed..

this week. was kinda bad. lolx. tiring and depressing week. week started with pe when my group couldnt get anything done. lolx. sianzzz. we were playing like bonding games and our group couldnt complete the tasks. quite funny actually, the way we did things. hahax.

*you guys are all so busy..

tuesday was ok i guess. nothing much happened. it was wednesday that was bad. chem test. i studied. i did notes. i did my tutorials. i thought i could do the questions. guess i thought wrongly. kwokie had to speak to me. lolx. dammit. that day's guitar. g3 only had 4 people. me, cynthia, nat and daniel. wow. kinda nice cuz we were sitting outside the corridor playing. hahax. quiet. peaceful. and the song we were playing was damn nice. hahax. almost like a lullaby.


*standing alone, struggling to keep afloat..

thursday. the super depressing day. kwok had to talk to me about my results. getting from bad to worse. struggling to survive. asked me if there was anything wrong. dammit. and i thought i could pass the test. haish. guess not. you know, it's so frustrating. when you see people in class. not doing tutorials, not paying attention to them and not listening to lectures. but somehow or rather they still manage to do better than you. haish. so sianz. well, maybe that's what they mean by talent. something i have yet to find. hope i do. hahax. i need to start mugging really hard. i don't want to get retained. i desperately need help for math.. but like nobody to help liddat lehz.. lolx..
well, the less depressing part of the day was towards the end of guitar. when nat told me i could use the school guitar.. yea!! hahax..at least my hard work of somethings have been paying off. but with that guitar comes more pressure sia. i need to live up to expectations, practice harder and improve on my sight reading. must not let nat down. hahax. must not let myself down.

*i need help. i need someone to talk to. but..

friday, the week finally ends. gotta rush alot of stuff. at least next week's slacker. lolx. gotta plan out my study timetable from now till prelims. lolx. haish. work harder. i just don't feel i've put in enough effort. i want to, but i keep getting distracted. i need somebody. a group, a partner. but everybody's so busy. so look's like i've gotta do it on my own. i can do it. jiayoux!
well, when u've reached rock bottom, there's only one place left to go. up.

it's ok.. i can always count on myself.

think that's about all. shall blog some other day..

===================================================================
me!: new problems keep surfacing..

ris: hahax. i din notice that. i've been using those since a long time ago. lolx. and screw the chem test. lolx. <3 oceans

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

i miss rv. miss 4d. miss 2h. though we were noisy, loud. but we were united. committed. we didn't see the class as just a name. not just a title. not just something we were forced into. we were tight. we laughed together, not at one another. we got scolded together. we have gone through much. probably that's what brought us together. from getting scolded by llm and d.lim, to pissing each other off. lolx. we had fun. at the end of the day. we were bonded. haish. miss those days.

i miss the ocean. i miss you. the oceans so beautiful. broad. calm. blue. the wind. is great. just blowing in your face. love that feeling. wish it did not have to stop. just came back from vivo. night view was nice. the wind was nice. feels so nice. so free. so calm. haish. but all good things must come to an end. hope the storm im facing now will turn into a peacful calm ocean again.

♥ you and i both loved

♥ you and i both loved

was a killer week man. tiring sia. tests and tutorials, mr kwok's extra homework. lolx. test week started off with math, then Chinese and ended with econs. now, we're busily preparing for the next onslaught. gp, chem. next week. and we've got eom. lolx. haish. im so screwed man. hope i can complete it. ya, we have to rush for WR too. haish.

sianz sianz sianz.. painful week. scrapped my knee on Wednesday. didn't think it was that bad. apparently it is. wouldn't dry up. winced in pain during shower, further pain when cleaning the wound. had to shave the area to prevent hair from sticking to the dressing. double ouch. hope it gets better soon. lolx.

tests were kinda screwed up. hey, i got 11 for physics. not bad. hahax. lucky. won't be so lucky next time. must work hard. hahax. gp and chem and wr and eom. my weekend is so dead. hahax.

hmms. mr santosh last lesson today. hahax.bought him present as a class. the present didn't turn out the way we like it. lolx. the brand that we paid for got.."overshadowed"? kinda stupid. and i guess that some people are pissed at me for ranting about it. and they're not seeing me. whatever. not that i really care anyway. maybe we should learn to be more sensitive. hmms. how true. lolx.

to truly admit it, i have never really come to like this class. individualistic? fake. like nobody's sincere, nobody cares. what the heck. if they just see the class as something that we are assigned to and have to stick with it, it's not my problem. if they see it just as a name, i couldn't care less. im losing faith in the class. i wouldn't say everybody's like that. well, i think i can name two people i can trust my life with. make a guess. hahax. doesn't matter. im losing faith in the class, losing hope and as the day goes by, the lights get dimmer. help.

read charis's blog. music is the only thing that keeps her sane now. kinda true. my guitar is now my favourite companion and i look forward to guitar practices. at least the people there are more enthusiastic about the cause. more dedicated. not all. but there's an overall greater sens of commitment and enthusiasm. ACguitar'0708. looking forward to the next year and a half. the seniors went on a great journey and achieved great things. is up to us to continue the story and scale greater heights. jiayoux!

the other thing keeping me sane is you! hahax.. dun run away upon reading this ya? yes, you know im talking about you. lolx. must take care okies. especially since you're sick now. hahax. keep yourself in the pink of health and don't let matters of the heart bother you that much. good luck for upcoming test and take caries <3

think i shall not blog anymore. abit long. maybe tomorrow. hahax.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yini: we're more than friends. and nothing happened. hahax. welcome back anyways.. hahax..

ris: hahax. take cares okies? remember the letter. follow the rules ya?

♥ you and i both loved

your last sms.. i didn't know how to reply.. ashamed.. didn't know how to face you.. how i could face you.. do whatever you want to.. ignore me if you want.. i don't know how i can make it up to you..

i cried last nite.. again? been crying alot this year.. haish.. i was upset.. upset that i ruined it.. i didn't know what to do.. i prayed.. prayed for you.. prayed tha you could forget about all this and carry on normally.. even if it meant i was completely erased from your life.. i didn't care.. just wanted to erase the pain i caused.. the mess i made.. i also prayed for courage.. courage and strength to face you.. school is inching closer and closer.. i don't know how im going to.. haish..

going to fail math.. cant study.. should start doing my homework..

♥ you and i both loved

you found out.. things didn't exactly turn out the way i expected it to happen.. but you found out.. i didn't plan to let it out..

不必说对不起。。我知道我们两是不可能的。。没要求过什么，也不要求什么。。喜欢并不是爱。。喜欢是没有错的。。也许我对你的好感只是兄弟姐妹那种感情。。你并没做错什么。。不必一直道歉。。不要说对不起，反而使我应该跟你说baby i'm so sorry.. i didn't meant to let you find out.. i didn't meant to cause you so much hurt.. i guessed i really messed things up big time eh? just came into your life and suddenly drop such a big bomb on you.. think it has really left you in pieces.. 不必说对不起，不必恨自己。。我不知道该说什么。。自己也搞不清楚爱是怎么样的。。忘了。。它的滋味。。没想到，我会对我身旁的人造成那么大的伤害。。

if i could turn back time.. how i wished.. wished you didn't find out.. wished that all was peaceful, wished that i didn't cause you so much hurt.. you think you're causing me so much hurt now when in fact i've done much worse to you.. what would really hurt me is that you let this matter affect you.. don't.. pretend it was all but a dream.. nothing more.. live life normally.. that will be the greatest thing i could wish for.. im so sorry..

-nolookingback,igottapayformyownactions..

oh ya.. and xj, sry for poking you so much today.. guessed i was too bored.. damn, i keep apologising..

♥ you and i both loved

shall start of by blogging about one acs day celebrations.. hahax..

it was a bright and sunny day.. every other student seems decked out in red, ready to celebrate national day.. by singing national songs, watching performances related to national day.. in a certain corner in queenstown, all 6 acs schools had gathered to "celebrate" national day as one acs.. from junior, primary to jc.. all were decked out in house t-shirts.. the day started with plenty of cramming and disorder as 6 schools gathered at the stadium.. buzz of "excitement" was very loud.. poor people had to seat on wet benches.. anyway, it started with a parade with the parade commander loud enough to wake those in the front row.. the rest at the back? i shall no go on.. throughout the entire parade and the march past, certain schools had the luxury of looking at the backs and not knowing what was going on.. might as well, not many were interested anyway.. after the parade, national anthem, pledge, national day speech and recollections(the only parts remotely related to national day), the games began.. wow whee, what fun.. all of us were stuck in the hot sun, watching people play games on the field when some of them we could hardly see.. how interesting.. some escaped, but the majority were stuck with stoning.. oh well.. what a way to start the day.. being national day celebrations, you'd expect more.. where were the patriotic songs? there wasn't much engagement with the audience either.. was an utter failure.. so while the participants were engrossed in trying to flatten each other, the audience had to be content with entertaining themselves.. even the teachers were bored.. what's new? lolx.. another interesting dimension was the introduction of acs cheers, the acs waves and a great deal about acs.. and yes.. obedience does appear to die out with old age.. only the junior and primary kids looked remotely interested.. well, maybe cause it's not engaging the rest? lolx.. hmm.. looks kinda like sports day doesn't it? national day celebrations? nah.. kinda gives the impression that the school is more concerned about itself.. lolx.. finally at ~1030 they came up with this prize giving celebrations that no one paid attention and finally the dismissal.. oh ya, and did i mentioned there was no attendance taking? remind me not to turn up for such a thing again.. i'll only consider going for national day celebrations..

after that went with jx n xj to je.. since my class had totally no idea what to do nor seemed remotely interested in going anywhere together.. had kfc at je talked a bit, cs came, talked more.. went to watch Simpson's.. xj 扫兴, dun wan go.. Simpson's was nice.. to some it may just be an entertaining show to laugh about.. but as other Simpson's show, there's an underlying message.. or at least that's what i think.. lolx.. even the jokes.. some have meaning to it, some you need to think.. some you just laugh.. nice plot.. simple but nice..good entertainment.. final rating: 3.5/5..

on to the national anthem.. how often have you heard the phrase "you're not singing the anthem loud enough?" a principal of one the schools i studied/am studying in even went as far as to comment: " if you don't sing the national anthem loudly, you don't deserve to hold onto your pink ic." or something along that line.. does the volume of your singing the national anthem really represent your patriotism to the nation? i don't think things can be measured this way.. such things can only be measured with actions, not words.. words are cheap.. just like asking do you love me? it isnt how many times you say it or how loudly you say it.. it's the things you do.. that can never be measured.. that's what counts.. talk is dirt cheap.. lolx.. so stand up and be counted when the nation needs you.. not sing the anthem loudly and hide like a coward when the nation needs you.. oh yes, by the way, i think the speech impaired are patriotic people too.. lolx.. Happy national day.. hahax..

many things to blog about.. but cant really remember what.. oh well, some other day perhaps.. lolx.. when i remember.. lolx..

请教我什么是爱。。我已经不知道爱一个人的滋味和被爱的感觉是怎样了。。身边的莫些人做出了不可思议的事情。。需要你但你不在。。我尝试过放弃，如今还没成功。。每次我都默默地守护着你，尽量让你开心，逗你笑。。只应为希望你快乐，不让你身旁的事使到你不开心。。默默地做出小动作，希望你有一天你会发现到我的存在，发现到是有人为你守候的。。读着你的心情日记。。写出了你的悲哀。。你身旁的事。。他。。学业。。朋友。。只能为你祈祷，想办法逗你。。你不一定要发现我，因为我们不一定要走在一起我才能守护你。。现在这样就够了。。只希望你多信任我一点。。能够和我分享多一点，能够和我谈你真正的心事，能够靠在我的肩膀哭，能够陪着你一起笑。。这些都只是希望。。知道不会实现。。应为我没有勇气。。没有勇气让你知道。。读到这里我看已经对你来说很辛苦了吧。。其实用华文来打也是希望你读不到，会不会去读。。唯一我可以写出心事的方法。。

xj say i keep making myself sound alone.. hahax.. sound emo.. to a certain extent ya larhz.. i admit it.. it's just random feelings you get lorhz..sometimes you feel that way, sometimes you don't.. wen you feel that way, den you've gotta let it out.. that's why blogs sound so emo.. lolx.. don't worry guys..
希望中会在人间，我的生活虽然不是我理想的，但我会坚持下去。。
my life may not have turned out the way i wanted it to, but that doesn't mean i hate it.. i will survive..
silently looking out for you..

♥ you and i both loved

here i am stoning.. waiting for maple to patch.. somethings wrong sia.. take so long.. hahax.. waiting to see the Singapore map.. the only reason im logging on again,, but the patch seems to take like forever.. sianz..wtf..

went to do pw dis morning.. ok, din really do much.. hahax.. ended quite early.. so very sianz.. hahax.. decided to check out maple.. lolx.. nothing else to do.. and this post is a total waste of space.. hahax..

national day's coming up.. maybe i'll blog about singing the national anthem next time.. how many times have you heard "you aren't singing the national anthem loud enough.."? lolx.. an interesting topic don't you think?

yesterday's meet the parents.. was ok i guess.. nothing major.. hahax.. spent the whole day out yesterday.. now im doing this.. hahax.. didn't mug.. haish.. hahax.. should start soon.. wanna find people.. but like nobody.. look's like im on my own.. hahax.. will have to make do.. no choice.. hahax.. whatever.. lolx.. cant get help these days.. hahax.. 人生里唯一可以依靠的人就是自己.. i'll survive. hahax.. not the first time.. lolx..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ris: i am.. i have always been.. since the start of the year.. lolx..

cynthia: hello.. lolx..

me!: what's the link?

♥ you and i both loved

pissed at you, disappointed in you, absolutely disgusted.. just when i was changing my view on you.. how could you do this to your own friend? especially one that trusted you.. gave you a 70% trust rating.. i pray to god that i am wrong man.. trust takes eons to build up, but just a foolish moment to destroy it.. i don't know all the facts and im hoping my inference is wrong.. i don't want to grow to hate you.. unless u are really that fake.. why cant people show their true sides and be sincere?

had practice again on thursday.. did better than wednesday.. hahax.. first time the ensemble played together with all the sections.. la bamba.. hahax.. sounded awful at first.. hahax.. but slowly we're getting there.. hahax.. jiayoux!! ac guitar 0708!! hahax.. charis and cynthia seem to be the only two gals in g3.. hahax.. hope.. hahax.. look forward to the trip next year.. hopefully i'll be good enough to perform.. hahax.. shall try my best..

physics test was ok i guess.. so was spa.. a hectic week is over.. now comes much needed respite.. should go watch rush hour3.. but need to mug for econs and math.. hope to form my study group soon.. hahax.. then start mugging for promos.. should work very very hard!! hahax.. i can do it.. my aim: my name on the board.. hahax.. 2nd aim: me on stage performing.. hahax.. there is no try.. only do or do not.. hahax.. jiayoux.. hahax.. im feeling much brighter today.. maybe cause its the end of the week? hahax..

tomorrow have meet the parents.. hahax.. my parents wanna meet kwok.. hopes everything goes smoothly.. hahax.. think that's about all.. shall go try the new games in my phone.. hahax..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tag replies:

me: orh.. ok darling.. hahax..

chipz: you need run faster.. hahax..

ris: hahax.. you so busy still dare say.. lolx.. and i don't know what it is like to like someone anymore.. lolx.. i don't dare.. don't even dare trust people around me.. especially after you-know-what.. lolx..

♥ you and i both loved

posts on some stuff.. i should be doing chem or studying.. but i feel weird.. a bit sick.. so decided to blog.. lolx..

yesterday jiayi got screwed by kwok.. badly.. could see that she was upset.. was a bad day for her i guess.. at the end of the day.. she was just so.. i dunno.. emo? she walked down the stairs without saying anything much.. so i kinda just walked with her.. amazingly, nobody really noticed.. after quickly filling in the survey, many of them just disappeared into their own world and walked away.. i don't get it.. people in my class always seem to be in a rush to go home after school.. i kinda understand what she's going through.. not fully.. but somewhat.. is our life really that pathetic? that we live in our own world.. we seem to be so busy, so caught up with life that we don't notice what's going on around us.. when i tell people i take 20 minutes to walk from the mrt station to school, they call me crazy, walk so slow.. but why must we walk so fast? are our lives zooming by so fast that we fail to notice our surroundings and slow down to appreciate the things that are happening around.. maybe a friend who needs help? or even to the smallest things like a bird in flight.. when you slow down and look at this things, you get a whole new perspective.. you feel refreshed.. makes you wonder, what have you been missing out all this time? if we do take time off, we discover that many things around us are beautiful.. read on phuong's blog.. she asked "what's being nice"? i guess there's no definition to nice.. but you can start by being there for friends.. when they're upset or whatever. no need for any words. just be by them.. walk with them.. its good enough..

today guitar practice.. in g3.. hahax.. only me, xuan, yip choon, nat, charis and cynthia.. realised that i suck.. kinda disappointed.. disappointed that i can actually suck so much.. din know that i was that lousy.. haish.. its like totally disappointing when you tried so hard.. you practice hard, but still turn out lousy.. you spend time studying, yet your results suck.. people who keep ponning, or don't practice play better than you.. people who don't pay attention to lectures and don't do their homework can do better than you.. guess i havent been working hard enough.. i should work harder.. i am who i am.. that's the way i am.. the life that i have now is cause of the decisions i made in the past and there's no turning back now.. i gotta learn to live with it.. i gotta work harder..

she hasnt been talking much to me recently.. been talking to others.. had this weird feeling.. jealous that she doesnt pay attention? no i cannot.. i cannot afford to.. she's a beautiful girl.. doesnt deserve this.. not me.. she doesnt deserve getting her friendship with me ruined too.. i shouldnt.. its weird.. somehow.. as the days go along, i get the feeling that the relationship we share now is the best it can get.. so i shouldnt.. shouldnt fall for her.. haish.. hope this is just a phase.. don;t let it ruin a perfectly wonderful friendship.. hahax.. i wanna concentrate on my studies.. i wanna do well for school and cca.. i don't think i'll meet anybody in jc.. so i should stop it.. stop with all this.. concentrate.. i don't need no one.. i will prove that to the world.. god bless her..

-disappointed.dinnoethaticouldsucksobadly..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tag replies:

cat: im sure everyone feels the same.. hahax..

ris: don't worry abt me.. i'll be fine.. lolx..

chipz: hopefully.. lolx.. well the weather has been pretty weird lately.. and how did meow and mohit come about?

meow: u're forgiven..

kh: huh?

♥ you and i both loved

i'm mr huang. according to someone.
and apparently i have 1001 friends.
and they love "taste from the orient"
but normal people call me ruijie. or rj.
was born on 7th may.
18 years wasted.
was part of mayflower primary.
transferred to pps.
pps-cheetah 3m,4l,5k,6l,
rvhs-centaur 1/2h,3/4d,
acj-erif-salamander 1sb3/ as before
was a member of rvnc and ac guitar
horoscope is taurus
blood type is O i guess
msn me at thedevilawakens@gmail.com


cyx
gmle
nlgay
raymond
yini

4 Do.iT
cat
czp
martin
reptile
tlq
xuan

joa
samsum
sherilyn.S
xueqi
xw

salamander
darsh
el
ris'
the yawn

jeanny
kky
kok

AsBefore
angel
jiayi
joshua
kat
melissa
pong
stanley
swai ming

acguitar
cynthia
yan
lidya

jianhong




January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009







Alone again naturally - Alone again naturally


this layout was done by jeanette. the fonts were from dafont,image was from threadless and brushes were from 100x100.pls do not take out the credits. :]