this week. was tiring. kept falling asleep and tying to stay awake. as usual. a huge to-do list. many many tests coming up. need to study. and guitar is taking up alot of time. haish. today played soccer. the feeling of running on the field. it's been a long time since i've done that. kinda miss that feeling. the joy of soccer =) ultimate frisbee and soccer. both can run on the field =) i love the field =)
tiring week with bad news. i've gotta spend $65 for the blazer. ye to include the cost of the tie, shirt, pants. where am i going to get all that money? still got what jacket cost $43. wtf la. think money drop from the sky one ah. it's raining cash!
haish. i always thought thought my cca meant something to me. apparently, it doesn't. nothing matters to me anymore. im kinda pissed off by the way certain things are handled. but that's not up to me to decide i guess. i thought there was dedication. but somehow i got the i don't care attitude.
wednesday. promo video went up. what's the name of our concert? eh. no idea. i read it the same time you did. how much is it. eh. not sure also. somewhere between 12-14. oops. now it's 10. where is it? i know! CPA! what time? eh. 7? ah well. disappointment. but then again. who am i to comment.
i love GP leesons now. social issues. many discussions! but apparently some do not appreciate them. ah well.
i don't think i'll be doing special item for the concert anymore. since nobody's bothering to care. so i guess it's off. but please come people! i need of get rid of my tickets.
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selling stuff! selling stuff to raise money. adidas superstar 2. as seen in the pic. black laces not included. it's white. size 10. quote! barely used.
adidas frisbee. kinda scratched. quote. don't have to be high. i suppose 5-7 bucks?
will look for more stuff to sell. since i need the cash. and also looking for an acoustic guitar! in good condition. budget <$100.
♥ you and i both loved
new obsession..
collide
-------
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
When I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide..
♥ you and i both loved
another day another week. april is going to be over in 2weeks.
it seemed just yesterday that my j1 life started. it seemed just yesterday that i got my o level results. it seemed just yesterday that orientation ended. it seemed just yesterday that i picked up playing the guitar. it seemed just yesterday that i got through i first major jc exam. it seemed just yesterday that promos ended. it seemed just yesterday that i came back as a j2 looking at j1's thinking about this. it seemed just yesterday that we were crazy preparing for fun-o-rama. it seemed just yesterday that fun o rama happened.
now im in j2. now im preparing for my own concert. now im rushing for A's. now im gearing up for NS. wow. time has gone very quickly indeed. dammit. all that lost youth. all that wasted time.
this week was a whirlwind. so many things happened. things have become very very chaotic. messy. political. im like omg. what happened. it's quite confusing. so i shall not elaborate on it. just hope everyone comes out of this storm alive. tattered and torn. but alive.
guitar concert draws closer. 10th may at the CPA. one of the first to use it. practice is taking up alot of time. homework needs to be completed. term 2 is a total rush. and then. there's the possibility of putting up a special performance for the concert. it's still pretty much undecided. which kinda sucks cause we have very little practice time left. did i mention that we would be playing at the esplanade oon 15th may? yes we are! wow. cip on the 27th. competition on the 28th. hope i don't screw up. work hard. strive for results.
watch ac vs ny today at jj. came in like 20 minutes late. guess what. the score was 2-1. 3 goals already? im like wtf? and so they decided not to score anymore. until kao got was brought down and there was a penalty. up stepped the captain to take it. in it went. but before we could celebrate, blown for infringement and retake =.= and yes it got saved. ny equalised with a free kick. quite nice. ah well. at least i saw 1 goal.
been alot of talk about setting goals recently. i look at where i stand now. i'm not sure what my goals are. whether i can even dream of goals. perhaps a ABC? but that wouldn't get me anywhere. sianz. maybe i would have been better off retained. haish.
perhaps people don't need help. perhaps im being extra. perhaps i should mind my own business. how many times have i told myself. to not care so much about others?? i'll only end up getting the shorter end. i gotta be more emotionless and stop caring so much.
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why? why? why you so dao? haish. light travels in a straight line. perhaps it bends. but it doesn't bend enough for you to see me. and it doesn't help that you run at the speed of light too. you no longer seem to be the person who told me everything.
many things in my life are left unresolved. many loose ends. perhaps i should just burn them off. don't want them tying me down.
whee! i think im going for an ocip. hopefully it works out. excited!
♥ you and i both loved
updates updates. very long no update.
weekly updates in my life. this blog has become a place when a ramble on and on about what's happening to me. but honestly, who cares?
term2 has been filled with homework. tiring. alot of things to worry about. homework. results. cca. napfa. money. hahax. can be quite tiring. i wonder how am i going to survive. I think about my grades. where I am now. where I want go be. it seems like a very very far place. and yet A's are very very close. i'm quite lost. i don't know where to start.
frankly. im quite tired. tired of putting in effort and not getting results. tired of not being able to do well. tired of people not recognizing my effort and criticizing me instead for my failures. tired. so so tired. when nobody notices. nobody cares. it's difficult and you struggle to go on. makes you want to give up when it appears that no one cares. all i can do is shake my head and trudge forward. for this is the only road that i have ever known.
my shin hurts. no idea why. hope it's not splints. hope it'll be fine by the end of the week. this is a bad time to get injured.
♥ you and i both loved
quote of the day.
"Give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference."
things is life has been pretty screwed up recently.
studies. people. family. many many little things just snowball up. the frustrations just keep getting worse and worse. things going from bad to worse. i just don't know how to deal with all of it.
people around just don't seem to understand. or perhaps i don't give them the opportunity to. opening up. talking. just not me. what goes on in my life, nobody knows. except for me. it's so lonely. walking down the road. and no matter how often you walk down the same path, you can never get used to it. i'm desperate. desperate for someone to understand me. someone whom i can place 100% faith in and just talk. perhaps in today's society, it's difficult. people all put on a mask. it's just a matter of how thick your make-up is. but i'm holding on. on faith. on belief. that the world is not so twisted.
even places which i once thought i belonged now looks foreign to me. the ensemble has decided to get jackets based on majority vote. they cost over 40+. together with the attire for concert, it would cost over a hundred. sadly there is no opt-out option for the jacket. the reason i got was what was the most disappointing. "it's a cca thing and unless you're not part of the ensemble"
given without thought, spoken without hesitation, came out with out consideration. majority vote yes. but have they even put any thought into the people who cannot afford it. the people who have to fork the money out themselves. people who have to sacrifice in order to pay for it. even the govenment has medifund to help those who cannot pay medishield. at least the citizens are not forced into buying medishield without second thought. "it's a cca thing and unless you're not part of the ensemble". if that is how the ensemble works. if that is how it does considers other people's situation. i think i have to re-consider my position in it.
"Give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference."
i need all three now. desperately.
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boulevard of broken dreams.
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I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...
♥ you and i both loved